Choosing Cold
17th April 2024 (amended 22nd September 2024)

It is a cold room,
hardship, sorrow, and suffering that space,
but I seek it out, looking for something (that relates to life),
feeling the feelings as they float by,
feelings that tug at tiny pinpricks of my being as they pass,
there is love there (cold), where there was none before,
and in there I develop attachments not easily let go of.

Why do I choose to keep coming back to this place,
full of mirrors and veils and the not known,
the never stated,
the unable to move forward, unable to move back,
…stuck in time, and existence.

Because it is full of a kind of beauty this room,
in it, …I am the warmth,
amongst thick constraints that pull,
and strain, in dull ache,
…in pain.

It makes me tired,
and in here I look to escape,
yet instead spend my time yearning to curl up somewhere,
to rest, to sleep,
with perhaps another by my side.

And in those moments our heads would rest upon a pillow,
without conversation,
and we would feel that that is around us,
in defiance, and retribution,
to the world outside.

In here, darker perhaps,
but quieter,
...and less turbulent.

Inspiration: "Only in sorrow and suffering does man draw close to his fellow man. Only then, it seems, does his life become beautiful.", Henry Miller, American writer.

Kagbeni,
(Annapurna Circuit),
Nepal.